I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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