You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
