quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
