I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
