Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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