Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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