those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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