after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
