I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
