WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
