I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
