College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
