People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
