if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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