Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
