Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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