I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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