Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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