I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
