Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
