brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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