WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
