turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
