Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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