did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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