she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
