i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
