Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
