hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
