I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
