Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
