Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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