i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
