And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
