anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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