my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
