I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
