I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
