you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
