smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
