she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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