drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
