Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
