did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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