So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
