I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
