Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
