I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
