Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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