Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
