We named our party play list daddy issues
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
