I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
