anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
